Hey fans hows it going. New post finally. Let me tell you where I am in my life. I am on the verge of being 23 in the second month of graduate school at UMD. I don't really feel bad for not blogging in a month or two because I really didn't have anything to blog about.
Sitting around a bonfire last weekend on a camping trip we came across the half drunk discussion about physical injuries. I started list the times I have gotten punched in the face and I would like to share them with you readers.
1990: (self inflicted) Kindergarten. I was acting like a dog and running around on my knees and ran head first into an old tree stump used for holding the teachers books.
1992: (not in the face) Got in trouble for talking in class and sent home by my teacher Mrs. Brown. Who the fuck sends a second grader home with a note for talking. My dad punched me in the face till I was deformed. Sike. Some kid on my soccer team punched me in the stomach for telling him he looked like a chicken.
1993: Moved to Howard County, MD from my old 'hood in Silver Spring/Wheaton area. Dangerous place and automatically gave me street cred as being the baddest dude at Lisbon Elementary School. Snow had given us the day off and I was busy making friends with the kids at the lovable Cabin Branch Farm community. Things were going good until Kevin O'Connor who was in first grade (I was in third) beat me up on the neighborhood pond. I ran home crying, bloody, and ashamed. I wasn't as hard as I thought. I think Kevin is wrestling at VaTech so I don't feel that bad.
1995: The kids in my community played street hockey. We would all gather at Brighton Court and play 5 v 5 hockey. I would be goalie. Mostly because I had a stick from my amazing 4th grade Mighty Ducks costume. There was this kid that would come around and kind of reminded me of "Buzz" from Home Alone, Charlie Sheen from "Ferris Bueller" rolled up into a retarded gas station attendant. He's not there anymore I think he got a sweet job at Best Buy last I heard. He took a phone book and power slammed it into my face after pushing me into a ditch. Cunt.
2000: (Doing the punching) Got suspended for punching Kenny McWhirter in the nose. I cried. He didn't.
2001: (Not in the face) High school. I gave Matt Lyons a wedgie. He punched me in the stomach. Guess we are even.
2004: (Almost Death) Rugby Party. Whilst walking home on Potomac Ave. from a rugby party an old model town car drove through the crowd at a high rate of speed. While no one got hurt I felt that I had to run my mouth. I yelled for them to come back and fight. I saw the tail lights come on and them reverse back up the hill to where I was standing. My loyal friends ran away and I was left to deal with the 4 gangsters by myself. I wasn't scarred till they popped the trunk and started looking for the metal bat. I guess you know that one ended up, not dead yet.
2005: Fraternity senior meeting. We have a tradition in my fraternity to send the seniors off or rather them send themselves off with stories, revelations, or anything else necessary to make people laugh or enlightened. I made several trips to the box of red wine hidden in my room and by the end of the meeting was very drunk. So when everyone got up and dispersed I thought it was probably the best idea for me to go to the bar. Several drinks later and in WaWa I started showing my Redskins spirit. This continued to the parking lot and encouraged a guy to come up to shake my hand. Instead of shaking my hand he wound up and sucker punched the shit out of my cheek bone. Drunk as a skunk I stood there took the punch and muttered one word, "owwww" while he ran off. Leslie was with me for the entire duration of my drunk evening and so mortified by my behavior walked several steps ahead of me when this happened. To this day I swear the guy who punched me was a midget.
2007: Outside of AXO. Leslie and I were leaving her sorority house on college avenue dressed in homemade Togas after getting late night sorority snacks. A group of 7 or so guys across the street started yelling at my girlfriend and being the chivalrous mother fucker I am I told them to stop. Unfortunately for me, I didn't know they were going to come over to my side of the street and threaten to stab me. I took several punches in the face before I whipped out my phone and called the police, at which point they ran off yelling "New York" and "Strong Island!" After I got home I forgot I called the police and got a call from officer so and so twenty minutes and several shots later. Walking outside I found three sjavascript:void(0)quad cars full of vested officers. I explained to them that I didn't really care that these guys punched me and I didn't want to file charges and that they were glancing blows the officers went on their separate ways.
I hope to write again soon, and if I get really hard up for ideas I will take another camping trip. Thank you come again.
